I got something to say!

Got quite drunk last night and i wont go into the details. Ok, i dun feel guilty for been drunk or what, just that i think it is an interesting experience. Imagine your mind know perfectly well to do, but your body dont conform, lol. Interesting indeed. Slept from 9pm to today's morning 7am.

Wake up, read some books then surf blogs. Ok, i am not trying to be offensive here, but recently there is this exam craze all over Singapore i guess, and what shocked me most is their post-exam comments and feelings. For instance, "Feel like dying", "haiz" and "must mug harder". I don't see why exams should have such a great manipulative effect over our emotion or life. Of course, the most plausible retort is that it concerns our future, but still, all this negative emotion or worries are just very redundant. They serve no purpose at all. If all these emotions are your arsenal to motivate you to work harder, i can tell you, passion and joy will provide a greater thrust for excellence.

Next, we had transit from primary school to secondary to JC/poly then for some, to university. In the initial phase, if we are feeling this way, it is still understandable, because we are younger, and whatever the adult teaches us, it simply becomes our ethics. But, as we grow older, we start to think and take lead of our life, we should not still make the same mistake as when we are young. Some people just never change, and i don't know how you can handle the greater challenge in life. Worst, when you have children, are you going to bequeath all these "ethics" to your children. If yes, congrats, you have just become an initiator for the chain reaction!

Void

Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him

Back to the work 1 week, book out 2 days system. I seem to integrate back into this system pretty well, no whining, no grumbling. Maybe is because i have been through a really horrendous and agonizing period, that this trivial stuff just seem so insignificant when compared to it.

Ok, just booked out, really tired and drained. My mum cooked dinner for me, and i still think home cooked food is the best! Healthy and yummy! Waiting for the clock to strike 1am before i start watching the movie, "pursuit of happiness".

Anyway, one good book to recommend. Title : The last lecture, by Randy Pausch. This is about an educator in university that realise that he had a few months more to live due to 10 tumours in his liver. He had a wife and 3 children, and small portion of the book talks about their relationship after the breaking of the depressing news. The main bulk of the book is sort of like a legacy or odyssey he left behind for his children, and it talks about his life from when he was young to being an educator. Maybe we share the same aspiration that is why i like this book a lot, but, after forcing myself to take a more objective view, it is still very good!

To end this post, i am wondering: Sometimes we talk about freedom, But what is freedom if we don't know what to do with it or maybe exercise it in the "right" way?

Solitude

Children love to be alone because alone is where they know themselves, and where they dream.

I am not advocating for the whole world to be alone or wad, but just that if it happens that one day, you are stripped of all close friends and girlfriend, get very detached from your family and world, wearing a facade in front of everybody, or feel that you are lost in this vast world, you still gonna accept it and live with it. Reminiscing and comparing the difference in the life now and then does evoke some visceral feeling. But, it take courage to realise that you are now alone, and how to learn to handle it. Enjoy the tranquility and know yourself and the surrounding. It is the best time for doing that. Provided we dont have any personality disorder or severe mental illness, Loneliness is really a matter of throwing a dice. If you get one, then you just simply sucks in dice-throwing. Then the thing is not to stop throwing, but to keep on throwing and improvise on ur throwing method, so that you can get a six. Well, if law of probability didn't fails me, as long as 6 is printed on one side of the dice, it will eventually shows up.

Ok, this is dedicated to all lonely souls around the world.

Penitence

Only two things are infinite: The universe and human's stupidity

Something happen today which really warm my heart. Last year, because i was going out with my ex, then stood up an appointment with my friend( is 2 to be exact). At that time i was in bad mood as well, and since they don't understand my situation, i break off relation or sever ties with them. They are my best friends in JC time, and because of that, we never contact for 1 year. I know i am wrong, but at that time, love just mean everything to me. My pillar, my faith, my hope, my future.

Then suddenly, one of this guy, talk to me today and ask me how am i (He probably heard what happened to me). That is genuine concern, i knew it. I am really sorry for treating them that way last time. My deepest apology.

Then today there is still friend that open a conversation in a funny manner in msn.

he: i am a complete stranger, may i pick u up?
me: you are a complete stranger, can i reject u?
he: nope, cause u r hurt
me: but i din ask for ur help
he: i know... cause u fell from heaven
me: no... i am just reborn, a brand new self
he: ic, no wonder ur hair is so straight, i mean ur pubic hair
me: i am sure u r seeing the wrong person. perhaps u r drunk tt day, and mistook some stranger along loyang there as me

Ok... people begin the quest of seeking when they are affronted with questions like, "What if i am only left with 1 hour, what will i do?". Some can just cast it at the back of their mind, but for some, they know they need an answer. The journey is tough, depressing and sometimes vexing. But, at the end of it, if people manage to get an answer without resorting to suicide, they would have understand the world, understand themselves better. It is a quest of wisdom.

The success equation

S: Degree of success
P: innate potential
H: Hardwork
L: Luck

S= G + ( a-e^(b-H) ) + L/H

There is a point whereby no mater how much more hardwork u put in, there will be no change in success and will only depend on G.

Forbidden kingdom.

Apparent from the title of this entry that i have watched this movie. Overall is a good and highly recommended movie. I've gave a lot of credits for Jackie chan and Jet li seamless cooperation and their effort. They are not that young anymore and yet still can impress us with their actions and fightings. This is something really applaudable. But, i cannot stand the english language when the whole plot is based on chinese fictions. It just doesn't sound right.

Lost Cause

Last night, while i was doing my model kit, my dad came in and said, "You should not be doing this. There is this professor in yesterday's news who made models of physical process and patent it, then those school that want to use it as an education tool will got to pay him money. You should be doing this kind of thing, instead of following the manual."

Ok.... First, there is an aesthetic part to making model, which helps to develop the artistic part of the brain which is very undeveloped in most people especially in this "Age of reason". It is not that unconstructive after all. Second, why must everything we do revolve around making money and making a mark for ourselves. Can't we just do it because of passion and hobby? Or is it that the value of passion has depreciated such that it is worthless in the face of fame and wealth? Thirdly, i am only involve in theoretical research and problem solving, so it will really be against my wish to those stuff. How can i possibly create a model for question like, "What is evil?". Should i construct a model of Eden garden to demonstrate the idea of "First sin"?

Perhaps theoretical physics and philosophy are academics that have been phased out in this world and have no practical value. The next question is, should i then abandon my interest and look for a more highly "valued" cause?

A sojourn

Thought i am going to enjoy this long break till this coming sunday, but a call from my superior ruin it. Need to book in tonight to attend a meeting tomorrow. Sob.....

Finished about 4 books over a period of 2 weeks so went to kino today to get more books. Well, nothing much happen, just that i saw this old man whom i had seen 2 weeks ago, back in the same place again. Then, i went over to Bras Basah complex to get some piano books for self-improvement.

In this contemporary world, there is this delusion provided by those motivational quotes around. For example, stuff like "It is never too late to start", "success is 99% hardwork" and so on. It is just some gimmicks so that people will continue to slog towards an end that never comes and of course, those elites and aristocrats will stand to gain from all these. On the contrary, i will prefer quote like, "If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction.", because they are not that delusional and introduce you directly to the harsh reality. For those motivational quotes, they are like "sweetener" that allows you to indulge in this fabricated utopia, and most often than not, it only brings disappointment.

Ok... time to go off. Adios!

Definitely, maybe!

Better to never have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.

Watched the movie, "Definitely, maybe" today in CCK cinema. After reading various reviews, i had high expectation of this movie, and of course, it didn't let me down. The plot is just too good and left me in awe after the whole movie ended. It is a romance, a comedy, a mystery and of course a thriller. Actually i want to write a short summary of the movie, but the plot is kind of complicated, and hard to phrase it all out in just a few sentence, lest i miss out the essence of the story.

Ok, let me emo a bit here.

There are times when I cant decide whether to see you or not, I want to see you because I miss you but there are times when I dont want to see you because everytime I do, the fact that you dont see me the way that I see you hurts me even more ...

My heart was taken by you, broken by you and now is in pieces because of you.

OK, having duty on saturday and sunday. sob.... bye!

Dilemma

Am i hearing my voice or god's when conscience bothers me?

Most of the time, it is really not obvious what is the right things to do. When that happens, i will use the "Just do it" principle. Now after making my move, i am contemplating over the choice i have made. There is a strong feeling i have made a mistake in my move, and right now, it is impossible to undo the mistake. The problem now is, how to make the next move so that i can negate the effect of my previous move.

Argh.... this is the most puzzling issue right now! I don't see any light shining on me. Sob....

3 Kingdoms

Watched the movie 3 kingdom today. There are quite a lot of bad points:

1) Distorted historical facts!! ( I am quite obsessed with 3Kingdoms since young. I know the story since primary 1 or 2)
2) Wrong costumes
3) Guan Yu doesnt has the respectable aura.
4) Cao Ying is a fudged character!! ( Cao Ying is Maggie Q which is suppose to be the descendent of Cao Cao)
5) Weapon design is very bad! (Especially Guan Yu one)
6) The portrayal of Zhuge Kong Ming is bad also.

One good point which surpasses all the bad points: As distorted it may be, the casts are good, and i like the way Zhao Yun is been portrayed in this movie!

Well, talking about romance of the 3 kingdoms, i can say it is my favourite chinese classics together with "water margin". There are simply too much too learn in all these stories... Highly recommended... There is this saying, 少不读水浒， 老不读三国. This is because Water Margin emphasizes on Rebellion and 3 kingdoms talk about betrayal, ploy etc. Well, but as long as you know how to extract the right values and meanings and use it appropriately, i think it is fine to read it at any age.

Ok... to sum up.... Watch this movie!!

Love Vs Sanity

Let S: Sanity Level
L: Level of love input
t : Time

dS/dt = -kL , k=constant

Let L = a - 1/(t+b) ,
Reason for equation of L: Level of love input must increase at a decreasing rate, and i believe there is an upper bound for it(asymptote).

Substitute and solving,

S = k(-at + ln(t+b) ) +c
Shape of graph: An inverted U shape with a max point at 1/a-b. c is a constant chosen to ensure S>0 for t>0.

Initial love input at t=0 : a- 1/b
max point of S vs t : t=1/a - b ( sanity breakdown point!)

When a is high, Initial love input is high, the t when max point of S occurs is probably at negative region. Which means.... ur sanity just simply keeps dropping, AKA Complete obsession.

When b is high instead, initial love input fairly low, unfortunately the max point of S still in negative region, so there is no difference from previous case. This is Eventual complete obsession!

Conclusion: You will lose your sanity eventually in the game of love! That is why Love leech every bit of sanity out of you!

This is what i thought of when i was travelling in train. LOL! Did all the maths and deduction in my mind. Just purely for fun.... Hope no one offended.

Distance does matters

Stars. An extra terrestrial object that looks beautiful only from afar. From the Earth, it is just like embellishing the cold dark sky with diamond to form an idyllic picture. But, if we are close enough to it, it just looks like a fiery-looking mass with the capability to produce a supernova explosion or become an eventual black hole. Scary.... The difference in what we see depends on how close we try to observe it. A concept that is applicable in our life.

I thought of this when i was looking up the sky in my camp. Well, though i am not able to see the milky way from Singapore, but the minute numbers of stars still attracted my attention. Then while looking up the sky, questions just pop up in my mind.

Has been playing Cabal lately. It is the newest MMORPG game recommended by my friend. The way i and my friend play this game kind of defeat the purpose of MMORPG. We just play alone, don't chat with people, no party etc. I guess we just wanna kill time.

Untitled

Had a great talk with one of my best friend around. It was a very discerning and fulfilling chat. We were initially crapping away until i pop up this question.

" Thinkers, be it those from different countries or those living in different time, are always the most troubled soul around. Why then do people yearn for wisdom and intelligence? Isn't ignorance better?"

This is his reply.

"Thinker sees what other people cannot see, that is why they think a lot. In life, intervention (be it physical or mere observation and thoughts) will result in change. But, most thing in life are trivial things, so intervention will only produce a small, insignificant overall effect. If that is the case, we should not interfere by thinking about it excessively in the first place. Selective ignorance requires wisdom as well."

I try to phrase it in a better way (By adding the appropriate premises and show the causality clearer), but the gist of what he said is still contained within.

Anyway, i am quite amazed i still having forget about my A Level Organic chemistry. Few days ago, when i was in camp, there was this fren of mine, that asked me some questions. Cannot believe i still can explain nucleophilic substituion and electrophilic addition blah blah to him. Organic chem is the worst subject that i hope i will never touch it again. My perennial favourite topics in chemistry is still atomic chemistry and quantum chemistry! Yeap.... more interesting and less memory- intensive.

Adios!

Let's talk!

A: Wow...See this.. The "Men's Health" classify all the women into 6 classes. Take a look!!

(After seeing....)

B: Full of shit!! To me there are only 4 types. 30% are those career-minded, egotistic feminist waiting to trample over the guys that have suppressed them for centuries. These are one of the hardest to tame, give guys the most troubles and responsible for 99% of guys suicide. The other 30% are the wild kind of girl, with multiple hair colours, multiple ear-ring and of course are regular clubbers. Any guy in the right frame of mind wont got for this kind of girl. For another 30%, These girls apparently got a penchant for the same sex. Yeap... so a pity. The ideal kind of girls lie in the 10%.

C: I agree there are very little good kind of girls, but, it is for that 10% that is why we keep falling in love isn't it??

B: I wouldn't be very sure about how u think. You see... so apparently out of 10 girls, u need to heart-break 6 times and feel inferior for another 3 times in order to get the 1 girl. As far as i am concern, most guy wont survive through the fifth heart-break. Ya... They will be dead by then.

C: Hmmm.... you quite pessimistic about love huh. I think is one of the best thing.....

B: That is because you are still attached dude! Seeing the horrendous stuffs the girl do to their boyfriend is really disappointing. One classic example, running away with another guy, and leaving you to rot and die.

C: hahaha... Ok la. Should not happen to me.. I quite sure.

Me(Very tired!!): Not i want to curse you, but girls will change. 3 things you can do. First is try to be as independent as possible, so that you will not get the shock when break up. Second, is to ravage your brain to do as much romantic things for her as possible. Not fool-proof though. Last, 先下手为强! Break up first!

C: erps... i believe in her.

Me: Fine... go ahead... i very tired. I go sleep.

(Still got some conversation between B and C.... But i sleeping)