Saw something that should not be seen.
It ended all the speculations and hopes i carry.
There is a whole litany of emotions within.
Lamenting, Screaming, Crying,
How i wish i could do all this.
But i am just too numbed.
The grief had isolated my soul.
So much for my academic excellence.
I am just a fool after all.
A disdained fool.
Sigh.... checkmate.
I lost.........
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Ridiculous
This is a crappy weekend. Something happened amid the weekend, and ended as soon as it started. It felt like an ephemeral nightmare! I know the description is super vague, but such thing just cannot be posted on blog or else my ORD date will be extended. lol.
When it started, it was damned chaotic. Run and rush, profanities flying around, people with that contorted pissed off face. But when it ended, there were laughter, relief and finally silence. We were just too tired..... and so we slept.
Let's pray that such thing wont befall on us again! lol.
Today i went to lot 1, and while doing some random shopping, there is this "eeyore" that just fell beside me. The amazing thing is, nobody is around that area, and it just dropped. It means 2 things actually. Either it is telling me, "Hey... face it. It has fallen. Dont care and walk off" or "Please kindly pick it up". This is really a choice, because you can only choose strictly either one, you cant like get the best out of both choice or what.
Making a choice does not always only involve the reason which is the more rational and "controllable" part. More often than not, it involves emotion, which is capricious and hard to fathom.
Choice-making is an exhausting and brain-ravaging process and so i dump it at the back of my brain.
I dont know, i dont care, and i dont want to know!
But again, if a choice is not made, the 2 options will keep floating up whenever similar scenario happens. I guess this is like a marathon. I am running away from the 2 options, while they are chasing after me. There may be some occasional steroid injection to them, like today, but still, i managed to get them off my back.
When it started, it was damned chaotic. Run and rush, profanities flying around, people with that contorted pissed off face. But when it ended, there were laughter, relief and finally silence. We were just too tired..... and so we slept.
Let's pray that such thing wont befall on us again! lol.
Today i went to lot 1, and while doing some random shopping, there is this "eeyore" that just fell beside me. The amazing thing is, nobody is around that area, and it just dropped. It means 2 things actually. Either it is telling me, "Hey... face it. It has fallen. Dont care and walk off" or "Please kindly pick it up". This is really a choice, because you can only choose strictly either one, you cant like get the best out of both choice or what.
Making a choice does not always only involve the reason which is the more rational and "controllable" part. More often than not, it involves emotion, which is capricious and hard to fathom.
Choice-making is an exhausting and brain-ravaging process and so i dump it at the back of my brain.
I dont know, i dont care, and i dont want to know!
But again, if a choice is not made, the 2 options will keep floating up whenever similar scenario happens. I guess this is like a marathon. I am running away from the 2 options, while they are chasing after me. There may be some occasional steroid injection to them, like today, but still, i managed to get them off my back.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Beyond me
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing
Sunday, June 8, 2008
1 second.
Finally manage to get the song recommended by my friend. It is called 兵变 by 康康. The lyrics is here.
月台目送我离开
好心疼不能陪在你身旁
怕你会孤单
是否你也想着我好遥远
几个星期不见你
你就爱上别人说好等我回来
为何如今要分开你的兵变我好难挨
难道你已忘了我看着流星坠落
好难过
劝我自己要振作
日子还是要过那天晚上收到你的分手信
我躲在棉被里偷哭
但是我并不怪你
因为我知道让我变成男人的不是当兵
而是你离开我了
You may have heard of it long ago, or never heard of it before because it is quite old, but this song got this saccharine sadness. Across history and across the land, i guess there are countless people that have the same plight as me and some of them choose to manifest their experience into a song. Conscription sucks bad enough, and break up during the period makes thing sucks even more!
This song is for those heart-broken soul in National Service.
月台目送我离开
好心疼不能陪在你身旁
怕你会孤单
是否你也想着我好遥远
几个星期不见你
你就爱上别人说好等我回来
为何如今要分开你的兵变我好难挨
难道你已忘了我看着流星坠落
好难过
劝我自己要振作
日子还是要过那天晚上收到你的分手信
我躲在棉被里偷哭
但是我并不怪你
因为我知道让我变成男人的不是当兵
而是你离开我了
You may have heard of it long ago, or never heard of it before because it is quite old, but this song got this saccharine sadness. Across history and across the land, i guess there are countless people that have the same plight as me and some of them choose to manifest their experience into a song. Conscription sucks bad enough, and break up during the period makes thing sucks even more!
This song is for those heart-broken soul in National Service.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
It just rankles!
A lot of things had happened in camp, some does concerns me, but the bulk of it is related to my friend. I won't ask "why is it so unfair?", because there would be irrelevant and rhetorical. Unfairness is a quality that arrives together with man since the birth of mankind. A better question will be, "why it happens to him?" Anyway, i hope he can really get out of this exasperating situation unscathed.
Turning to a more lighten tone, i had my first tuition assignment today. The subject is H2 maths, and she is from JC2. Hmmm.... this is the first time i took teaching seriously, and it is way worst than i expected it to be. First, she is a stranger and for the first 15 minutes my ear just turned red and can't converse properly, but everything loosen up after that. Second, whatever i say doesn't seem to get her, she is just 1 meter away, but it feels like she is a valley away! Then i think about it, sometimes the concept itself it just to esoteric, so as long as she can apply the concept, it doesn't matter what kind of quirky analogies i use. The saying "when the going gets tough, turn back and look for a detour!" Third, i don't feel easy with people calling me Mr Tan. GOD!!! Not even 20, and student is just 2 years younger. It just sounds weird. I told them to address me as "Hong Qi".
It is really not a simple job. Because i took this job out of my own accord, the commitment must be there and i seriously hope they can score well. Sometimes i think result doesn't matter much. But with no good result, u dun have much choice, and this restrict your freedom and eventually your happiness. True? Actually i still think this is bullshit. Restriction are imposed by ourselves, not society. lol. Interesting topic worth pondering.
Ok... logging off. Adios
Turning to a more lighten tone, i had my first tuition assignment today. The subject is H2 maths, and she is from JC2. Hmmm.... this is the first time i took teaching seriously, and it is way worst than i expected it to be. First, she is a stranger and for the first 15 minutes my ear just turned red and can't converse properly, but everything loosen up after that. Second, whatever i say doesn't seem to get her, she is just 1 meter away, but it feels like she is a valley away! Then i think about it, sometimes the concept itself it just to esoteric, so as long as she can apply the concept, it doesn't matter what kind of quirky analogies i use. The saying "when the going gets tough, turn back and look for a detour!" Third, i don't feel easy with people calling me Mr Tan. GOD!!! Not even 20, and student is just 2 years younger. It just sounds weird. I told them to address me as "Hong Qi".
It is really not a simple job. Because i took this job out of my own accord, the commitment must be there and i seriously hope they can score well. Sometimes i think result doesn't matter much. But with no good result, u dun have much choice, and this restrict your freedom and eventually your happiness. True? Actually i still think this is bullshit. Restriction are imposed by ourselves, not society. lol. Interesting topic worth pondering.
Ok... logging off. Adios
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Caprice
It all started with a chair
Watched "Juno" last night and this is the first phrase it used during the start of the movie. It is definitely deserving of the 4 academy nomination. There is this outre sense of humour and at the towards the end it turns out to be quite an visceral, emotional movie. Sometimes, a movie with atypical plot, atypical conversation and atypical ending is really refreshing, and i feel this movie has achieved all these.
Sometimes i am really quite hesitant to watch NC16 or M18 movie using the super big screen TV in my hall. I mean, my parent got this fixated mental construct that we are always underaged and will tend to overreact when there is brief nudity or when words like, "orgasm, dick, F**k" are used. Not to mention the universal symbol: Middle finger! Yea... when we grow up, we just get inured to all these stuff, and is no big fuss really.
Last week got this saccharine talk with my NS friends. Just some random people meeting at some random place at a random time. All of them were like older than me ( some even 4 years older), but the conversation went quite well. There is no issue that i don't understand. When they were talking about break-up, and the despair that comes alone, it is fully understandable and not an esoteric topic anymore. One of them, a chinese borned in America, was talking about the chasm between the cultures and said that Singapore girls are less friendly and more unfathomable. I would say that he over-generalise, because most girl i met is quite wildly friendly! As for unfathomable, i think it is due to culture schism.
My sis was saying my blog looks kind of dull. No tagboard, no counter, no embellishment! Well, There is this thing called the Occam's razor, and it says: entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity. Those stuffs are just irrelevant... All i need is a blog that can manifest what i wanna say. That is enough..
Ok... getting ready for my 2 days week!
Watched "Juno" last night and this is the first phrase it used during the start of the movie. It is definitely deserving of the 4 academy nomination. There is this outre sense of humour and at the towards the end it turns out to be quite an visceral, emotional movie. Sometimes, a movie with atypical plot, atypical conversation and atypical ending is really refreshing, and i feel this movie has achieved all these.
Sometimes i am really quite hesitant to watch NC16 or M18 movie using the super big screen TV in my hall. I mean, my parent got this fixated mental construct that we are always underaged and will tend to overreact when there is brief nudity or when words like, "orgasm, dick, F**k" are used. Not to mention the universal symbol: Middle finger! Yea... when we grow up, we just get inured to all these stuff, and is no big fuss really.
Last week got this saccharine talk with my NS friends. Just some random people meeting at some random place at a random time. All of them were like older than me ( some even 4 years older), but the conversation went quite well. There is no issue that i don't understand. When they were talking about break-up, and the despair that comes alone, it is fully understandable and not an esoteric topic anymore. One of them, a chinese borned in America, was talking about the chasm between the cultures and said that Singapore girls are less friendly and more unfathomable. I would say that he over-generalise, because most girl i met is quite wildly friendly! As for unfathomable, i think it is due to culture schism.
My sis was saying my blog looks kind of dull. No tagboard, no counter, no embellishment! Well, There is this thing called the Occam's razor, and it says: entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity. Those stuffs are just irrelevant... All i need is a blog that can manifest what i wanna say. That is enough..
Ok... getting ready for my 2 days week!
Lost. Me.
Moonlight Sonata
Have not blogged for about 2 weeks. There are times whereby blues or dismal just set in and we just simply don't feel like doing anything and that includes blogging. This explains the zero activity in blogging recently.
Applied 3 days off from monday to wednesday. Completely no idea why i do that. Maybe is because last week is a 7 days long week in camp, coupled with the hectic schedule and endless workloads, i am so drained. Ya... so i just took off and worst, i did not have plans for the 3 days ahead of me. The realisation comes after i sat in front of the computer racking my brain over what to do. Well, i guess days still pass despite not doing any thing fruitful. Tomorrow i am booking in again.
It will sounds kind of weird to hear adult saying they are lost, because in this modern world, we have cellphones, GPS and other gadgets to help us know where we are and to source for help. So, getting lost is really not an issue now. But, being lost can mean 2 things, first is getting lost in this physical, tangible world, and second is getting lost in your life. What if your goal becomes a lost cause?! What if your belief can't survive in this world? What will then become of a positive, goal oriented, renaissance man? I guess he will just crumple....
What about toddlers or infants? They may literally get lost, but definitely not getting lost in life. Well, they tend to be more simple minded, less complicated, less analytical. Sometimes, not knowing you are lost actually means you are not lost.
Ok... logging off. Bye!
Have not blogged for about 2 weeks. There are times whereby blues or dismal just set in and we just simply don't feel like doing anything and that includes blogging. This explains the zero activity in blogging recently.
Applied 3 days off from monday to wednesday. Completely no idea why i do that. Maybe is because last week is a 7 days long week in camp, coupled with the hectic schedule and endless workloads, i am so drained. Ya... so i just took off and worst, i did not have plans for the 3 days ahead of me. The realisation comes after i sat in front of the computer racking my brain over what to do. Well, i guess days still pass despite not doing any thing fruitful. Tomorrow i am booking in again.
It will sounds kind of weird to hear adult saying they are lost, because in this modern world, we have cellphones, GPS and other gadgets to help us know where we are and to source for help. So, getting lost is really not an issue now. But, being lost can mean 2 things, first is getting lost in this physical, tangible world, and second is getting lost in your life. What if your goal becomes a lost cause?! What if your belief can't survive in this world? What will then become of a positive, goal oriented, renaissance man? I guess he will just crumple....
What about toddlers or infants? They may literally get lost, but definitely not getting lost in life. Well, they tend to be more simple minded, less complicated, less analytical. Sometimes, not knowing you are lost actually means you are not lost.
Ok... logging off. Bye!
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