History is a mistake from the start. Present is transient. Future is bleak and uncertain. - By existentialist flaneur Hong Qi.
Got my second assignment today. Teaching this J1 girl physics. Not very prepared for the whole lesson, because i prepared for Dynamics and she wanted me to go through oscillation. Well, i still remember most of the stuff, but cant teach well.I really feel quite bad over this, but to compensate i extend the whole lesson by 1 hour without charging more. Her grade is quite bad, and as a tutor i want to do my best to help. Good thing is, after that long session she understands interference and diffraction grating. As for my another maths tutee, i think she is doing good.
After accepting the second assignment, my whole saturday is filled. Worst, one is at khatib, the other at clementi. I got to rush from one place to the next and skip my lunch. The only reward i get is a fulfilling day, which i think far surpasses any other rewards like paycheck or what.
I was chatting with my frenx over some issue. I believe the world lack people with revolutionary and bold thoughts, ideas, behaviors etc. Over the course of my life, i am not a deviant, but am of cause not a conformist. I know this very well. I have my own sets of ethos, which is very different from other people. Because of this, i tends to rebut people's "thesis" with my "antithesis". Well, what i wanna say may not be what others want to hear. So, i slowly learn to keep mum - "Keep the comment to yourself". The fact that i am not reverting to my old form not only got to do with my "weak knee", but concerning other issue as well. From some angle, the world is quite complicated.
A rather happy man...... I guess.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
What i do.
The necessary and sufficient condition for a relationship is love. Compatibility and physical beauty is irrelevant, and so is other trivialities. - By existentialist flaneur, Hong Qi.
I was thinking why my blog doesn't mention much about my daily life or in-camp life. I dun mention about camp life just in case i touch on some security issue and unknowingly get send into DB. So i dun wan to risk it. To me, my everyday life is quite fun, i will learn new things, but if i pen it down in blog, it will kind of dull my daily event. That is why i dun really say much about what i do. And yes, the most important reason is, i like to mystify my thoughts and myself. I dun wan to be too predictable. The world need more black swan- The element of unpredictability.
Anyway, i will try to talk about what i have been doing. What can a guy that has fallen out of love do in his daily routine. LOL! I can tell u.. is a lot. I start to fall in love with music. I dont to just hear it, i want the music to emerge from my both hands. Lucky i got a pianist sister that can guide me along. Then next i will be picking up guitar soon. Try something different. If people are thinking that i am still that science freak that is pouring over quantum physics and relativity now and then, then you are wrong. I still love physics a lot, but i started to diversify. I have not touched any science reference book for months. I want to dwell in the music realm for a bit longer before i go back to physics when i am in university.
The reason i gave for giving up piano at early age is because i not talented. I am lying.... is because i am lazy. I dun practise at all, come back just dump my book aside and play. In short 3 months, i achieve much more than the 3 years piano lesson when i was young. Talent cannot be the thrust for doing something, only passion can.
I was thinking why my blog doesn't mention much about my daily life or in-camp life. I dun mention about camp life just in case i touch on some security issue and unknowingly get send into DB. So i dun wan to risk it. To me, my everyday life is quite fun, i will learn new things, but if i pen it down in blog, it will kind of dull my daily event. That is why i dun really say much about what i do. And yes, the most important reason is, i like to mystify my thoughts and myself. I dun wan to be too predictable. The world need more black swan- The element of unpredictability.
Anyway, i will try to talk about what i have been doing. What can a guy that has fallen out of love do in his daily routine. LOL! I can tell u.. is a lot. I start to fall in love with music. I dont to just hear it, i want the music to emerge from my both hands. Lucky i got a pianist sister that can guide me along. Then next i will be picking up guitar soon. Try something different. If people are thinking that i am still that science freak that is pouring over quantum physics and relativity now and then, then you are wrong. I still love physics a lot, but i started to diversify. I have not touched any science reference book for months. I want to dwell in the music realm for a bit longer before i go back to physics when i am in university.
The reason i gave for giving up piano at early age is because i not talented. I am lying.... is because i am lazy. I dun practise at all, come back just dump my book aside and play. In short 3 months, i achieve much more than the 3 years piano lesson when i was young. Talent cannot be the thrust for doing something, only passion can.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Renaissance.
Listening to "kiss the rain"- A melodic, pensive piece of piano song..... When can i play it for myself?
Went out with my JC classmate this afternoon. Never see them for almost 1 year. There were a lot to chat and it was quite fun... They were still the same - speech, posture and even the things you see in their eyes. For me, i know i am not the same. In my eyes, i can feel weariness and countless toll.
I used to link coincidences or even every incidents with fate. But now, i am no longer fatalistic, i must acknowledge that everything that happens happens from my hand. I am the cause, and i must accept the consequences and whatever that follows. I shan't says is god's will or is the working of fate. I must accept the responsibilities no matter how heavy it is....
With immense responsibilities, it is either you die trying or you simply got to grow stronger. The path is never meant to be easy, just like God love to test and set trials for mankind( FYI, I am agnostic). Some people yearn for freedom and no responsibilities. But, they do not know that to be free from responsibilities, you must first be laden with responsibilities. The same goes to freedom. It is just like people will learn to treasure only after they have lost something.
How much can we really rely on our eyes? The vision is great, it is colourful, animate and sometimes arousing. Despite all these great stuff our eyes bestow us, they tend to misguide us as well. What i can see is only the gorgeous look, curvy body, long enchanting eyelashes but i can't see her heartbeat. Perhaps, i am too accustomed to using my eyes that i have forgotten how to close my eyes.
I have been consistently walking with my eyes open with her. Now is time to take a break. Stop walking and close my eyes. Use my ear and listen...... What am i listening for? I do not know. Maybe is someone at one corner of this globe whose heart resonate with my heart, or maybe is just the wind, the light, the friends around me, my parents.... I really don't know. All i know is right now, i am listening to music - Kiss the rain....
I may have lost a very important person of my life, but i learn a lot of things. I know i become bolder and stronger.... If i can survive a direct knife thrusting into my heart, what more shall i fear. I love closing my eyes and listening now.... It reveals another facet of the world and people around me. Over this 5 months i have been sharing and talking, and at the same time, i had absorbed a lot of stuffs.... I had answers to many of my questions.
This entry will conclude this part of my life. I shan't not mention anything related to her anymore.
I am losing the glow in my eyes. Can i get it back? How can i get it back?
More white hairs on my head. Is it i am too tired?
Went out with my JC classmate this afternoon. Never see them for almost 1 year. There were a lot to chat and it was quite fun... They were still the same - speech, posture and even the things you see in their eyes. For me, i know i am not the same. In my eyes, i can feel weariness and countless toll.
I used to link coincidences or even every incidents with fate. But now, i am no longer fatalistic, i must acknowledge that everything that happens happens from my hand. I am the cause, and i must accept the consequences and whatever that follows. I shan't says is god's will or is the working of fate. I must accept the responsibilities no matter how heavy it is....
With immense responsibilities, it is either you die trying or you simply got to grow stronger. The path is never meant to be easy, just like God love to test and set trials for mankind( FYI, I am agnostic). Some people yearn for freedom and no responsibilities. But, they do not know that to be free from responsibilities, you must first be laden with responsibilities. The same goes to freedom. It is just like people will learn to treasure only after they have lost something.
How much can we really rely on our eyes? The vision is great, it is colourful, animate and sometimes arousing. Despite all these great stuff our eyes bestow us, they tend to misguide us as well. What i can see is only the gorgeous look, curvy body, long enchanting eyelashes but i can't see her heartbeat. Perhaps, i am too accustomed to using my eyes that i have forgotten how to close my eyes.
I have been consistently walking with my eyes open with her. Now is time to take a break. Stop walking and close my eyes. Use my ear and listen...... What am i listening for? I do not know. Maybe is someone at one corner of this globe whose heart resonate with my heart, or maybe is just the wind, the light, the friends around me, my parents.... I really don't know. All i know is right now, i am listening to music - Kiss the rain....
I may have lost a very important person of my life, but i learn a lot of things. I know i become bolder and stronger.... If i can survive a direct knife thrusting into my heart, what more shall i fear. I love closing my eyes and listening now.... It reveals another facet of the world and people around me. Over this 5 months i have been sharing and talking, and at the same time, i had absorbed a lot of stuffs.... I had answers to many of my questions.
This entry will conclude this part of my life. I shan't not mention anything related to her anymore.
I am losing the glow in my eyes. Can i get it back? How can i get it back?
More white hairs on my head. Is it i am too tired?
Saturday, July 12, 2008
新不了情
I love this song. Best song to augment the sadness feeling within you.
I am so tired...
Feel like a lost child in the sea of forest.
Hungry, lethargic and devoid of hope.
Vultures are circling on top of me.
I am so tired...
Feel like a lost child in the sea of forest.
Hungry, lethargic and devoid of hope.
Vultures are circling on top of me.
Friday, July 11, 2008
16, maybe less
This is the name of the song that i listen last night. A nice, soothing music by iron and wine.
Book out yesterday night because of the surprise "off" that our CO gave us. Watched hellboy2 and linger around tampines area with my friend before returning home.
Just thought of an unpleasant encounter with techno music, and just to mention, i hate it! One fine afternoon, after awoken from my nice, warm afternoon nap, i was sent on errand to do some stuff. My head was heavy, and there is vague distinction between reality and dreamworld. The errand requires me to linger around the bunk area, then i heard this deafening, annoying music from one of the bunk. No doubt, it is techno music. I felt like my head was exploding, but i can't leave that damned area. Sometimes i just dont understand how people can indulge in this kind of music. Classic example of trashy music!
"In times of trouble, difficulty and depression, pictures tend to bring back old memories- the past fun-filled days where life was simple and easy. When can I let the history be history? When will I then learn to look on"
My friend was being emo here. But is a food for thought. A greek philosopher once said,"An unexamined life is not worth living." Some may say why are we making life tough for ourselves by spending time contemplating such unproductive question. But, it is precisely that life is tough and is fraught with so much uncertainty and shit, that these questions just plummet on us.
Finally, i forgot to mention about the dreadful 3 weeks confinement. It is definitely long, and is like a slow death or quicksand. But amid all the time dilation, i still enjoyed it. Finish reading my sophie's world and the alchemist in 3 weeks. Sophie's world is a fantastic read- philosophy in story. The alchemist is more towards spirituality. I find it quite boring, maybe because i am quite cynical....
Ok.. signing off. Bye!
Book out yesterday night because of the surprise "off" that our CO gave us. Watched hellboy2 and linger around tampines area with my friend before returning home.
Just thought of an unpleasant encounter with techno music, and just to mention, i hate it! One fine afternoon, after awoken from my nice, warm afternoon nap, i was sent on errand to do some stuff. My head was heavy, and there is vague distinction between reality and dreamworld. The errand requires me to linger around the bunk area, then i heard this deafening, annoying music from one of the bunk. No doubt, it is techno music. I felt like my head was exploding, but i can't leave that damned area. Sometimes i just dont understand how people can indulge in this kind of music. Classic example of trashy music!
"In times of trouble, difficulty and depression, pictures tend to bring back old memories- the past fun-filled days where life was simple and easy. When can I let the history be history? When will I then learn to look on"
My friend was being emo here. But is a food for thought. A greek philosopher once said,"An unexamined life is not worth living." Some may say why are we making life tough for ourselves by spending time contemplating such unproductive question. But, it is precisely that life is tough and is fraught with so much uncertainty and shit, that these questions just plummet on us.
Finally, i forgot to mention about the dreadful 3 weeks confinement. It is definitely long, and is like a slow death or quicksand. But amid all the time dilation, i still enjoyed it. Finish reading my sophie's world and the alchemist in 3 weeks. Sophie's world is a fantastic read- philosophy in story. The alchemist is more towards spirituality. I find it quite boring, maybe because i am quite cynical....
Ok.. signing off. Bye!
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