A facade

Woke up at 8 plus and lay on bed thinking about my past, present, future and essentially what kind of person am i.

I really sucks at expressing my thoughts and emotions. There is this this stoic calm countenance that forbid me to express my emotion within me. I treasure the ppl around me alot, but i just dun show it, and that is why the people around me keeps leaving i guess. How emotionally retarded i am... My mask wear off only when i am alone.

Excellent results, good CCA, scholarship, Officer- This should be the correct path everybody is aiming i guess, and eventually emerge as the elite of the society. I got this chance to take this path, but i blew the chance. Beside, taking up this path will earn you a greater recognition and if you got a girlfriend, i think she will be very proud to have you as her boyfriend. There are various turns in my life, if i can go back time and take a different turn, will my life now turn out different? That is what i am thinking.... What will become of me now if i actually take that royal path?

Then there is still battling thoughts, Why am i defining my way of life base on the inputs of other people? We dont live in an isolated world, interaction between people cause us to define ourselves according to how people define us. So which is the correct one? Both are equally true, and is just a matter of own personal choice. I guess i know which is the path i will take. I am going to stay true to my own way of life.....

I was thinking, why must we always make that royal path as the goal. Till now, i am still skeptical about that. I remember in my JC life, there is still friend in my class that got almost the same thinking as me. We live our life according to our ideals, not bounded by other's people expectation and norms.