" One day everything will be well, that is our hope. today everything is fine, that is our illusion."
"We never quite get over the sorrow caused by losing those loved; we only learn to live with it and to live despite it; which makes living a richer thing. That is sorrow's gift."
These are 2 quotes that are extracted from the book i am reading now. It has been months since i found a book that can impress me incredibly much. A book by A.C grayling " The meaning of things- Applying philosophy to life". This book is made up of many short essays that tackle with every aspects of life. For example, some of the chapters in it are "death","tolerance","virginity","peace" and so on... Each chapter consists of 2 to about at most 6 pages, which is pretty short for any book. But after i read it, i understand why each chapter is so short. The reason is there is no reason for it to be long. The author just did a fantastic job in covering the width and depth of a particular theme within the 6 pages. Any longer, it will be superfluous.
In fact to me, though this book just consist of many independent short chapters compiled together, i found it quite a "heavy" read. The whole book is laid with sentence like the quotes above. It induces a lot of thinking, a lot of cross referencing to my experience and the reality. Frankly speaking, to be able to cover every aspect of life to such great depth and all the way down to the tiniest details, i really wonder what kind of life he has been through. He is definitely one of my most admired writer. Going to get his other books soon. haha...
unconsidered life is not worth living- by socrates. <--- i think is very true. i am a great advocate of this ideal.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Clown.
I remember a story that goes something like this.....
One day, in a small little town, a man went to a psychiatrist in that same town over the problem that deep within him, he can't seems to be happy. This doctor then recommended him to a super famous entertainer(a clown) in town which was believed to be able to evoke laughter and happiness in the man, but it turned out that this unhappy man is actually the entertainer.
Interesting story. Somehow, i can actually empathize with this unhappy man. In his daily life, he had to put on that facade and performed to gain the smile and laughter in the audience. It was his job's obligation. For me, i too put on a facade and it is one akin to a clown. The only difference is, my facade stemmed from my insecurity.
One day, in a small little town, a man went to a psychiatrist in that same town over the problem that deep within him, he can't seems to be happy. This doctor then recommended him to a super famous entertainer(a clown) in town which was believed to be able to evoke laughter and happiness in the man, but it turned out that this unhappy man is actually the entertainer.
Interesting story. Somehow, i can actually empathize with this unhappy man. In his daily life, he had to put on that facade and performed to gain the smile and laughter in the audience. It was his job's obligation. For me, i too put on a facade and it is one akin to a clown. The only difference is, my facade stemmed from my insecurity.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Off to Hong Kong
Can't believe it, tomorrow and i will be off to Hong Kong. It is really not that much of what i will do there, but is what i will see there. The idea of going to a new environment and dwell in it for 2 weeks is both challenging and interesting. Let's hope i will learn more things when i am there and bring it back to singapore.
Argh... i hate the prelude to a holiday trip. It is tons of admin stuffs plus PACKING. Racked my brain over what i should bring and i ended up with a half-filled luggage. It is good isn't it? It means i can bring more stuffs back from hong kong, but the initial look of the half filled bag kind of irked me. Got this strong urge to fill it up. Ok... i shall not do some insanely stupid stuffs. Actually wanted to bring my DSLR camera over, but since i will be there for 2 weeks, i think is better not to bring. The long stay there will increase the risk of my camera and worst i dun have a risk premium so i am not going to take the risk.
Ok.. i think i will end here. Will get souvenirs for my frenx when i am over there. There goes my money... sob...
Argh... i hate the prelude to a holiday trip. It is tons of admin stuffs plus PACKING. Racked my brain over what i should bring and i ended up with a half-filled luggage. It is good isn't it? It means i can bring more stuffs back from hong kong, but the initial look of the half filled bag kind of irked me. Got this strong urge to fill it up. Ok... i shall not do some insanely stupid stuffs. Actually wanted to bring my DSLR camera over, but since i will be there for 2 weeks, i think is better not to bring. The long stay there will increase the risk of my camera and worst i dun have a risk premium so i am not going to take the risk.
Ok.. i think i will end here. Will get souvenirs for my frenx when i am over there. There goes my money... sob...
Friday, June 5, 2009
Volunteer
Went for voluntary camp with eeteng and ah neh at shu qun sec school. It lasted for 4 days including one day of training. We are dealing mostly with naughty students or even delinquents. The first day was definitely beyond what we expected or can even imagine. It is horrendous... The disobedience and the outrageous behavior.
First day was demoralising, but i still pushed on and tried to give my best in leading my group of students ( And unfortunately i got the worst group, with the most problem student). The hard part is, they are a bunch of defiant students, and if i was to employed the hard technque, it wun work. If we pushed them too hard They will even rail vulagarities at us. So the only way for them to work with me, is to establish rapport with them and earn their respect. The key to this whole problem then is to establish a fine balance.. yeap.. it is very very fine.
Quite proud that after second and third days, they started to listen to me, i told them varous stories that motivate them and help them mend their ways. End of the day, i received lots of notes from my student saying, "I am a good leader", "thank you, i appreciate that". Though the first day seriously sucks, i din give up and in the process i gain a lot of valuable experiences. The result was very rewarding. I may not change them, but i din leave a footprint in their memories.
haha.... one more thing. There is one student leader attach to us to help us in the camp. My student leader din really like me from the start, because i present myself to be a bit heck care kind (There are reason for that, but nvm...). But at the end of it, she said she actually learnt a lot of things from me and i really was quite glad that i manage to earn her respect at the end of the camp.
Th experience in this camp may not be like those fun games that enable you to make more friends or have tons of fun, but it surely was an unique experience with its own sense of fun and fulfillment. If situation permits, i will not mind joining again. I had learnt a lot from this camp and i appreciate this opportunity.
First day was demoralising, but i still pushed on and tried to give my best in leading my group of students ( And unfortunately i got the worst group, with the most problem student). The hard part is, they are a bunch of defiant students, and if i was to employed the hard technque, it wun work. If we pushed them too hard They will even rail vulagarities at us. So the only way for them to work with me, is to establish rapport with them and earn their respect. The key to this whole problem then is to establish a fine balance.. yeap.. it is very very fine.
Quite proud that after second and third days, they started to listen to me, i told them varous stories that motivate them and help them mend their ways. End of the day, i received lots of notes from my student saying, "I am a good leader", "thank you, i appreciate that". Though the first day seriously sucks, i din give up and in the process i gain a lot of valuable experiences. The result was very rewarding. I may not change them, but i din leave a footprint in their memories.
haha.... one more thing. There is one student leader attach to us to help us in the camp. My student leader din really like me from the start, because i present myself to be a bit heck care kind (There are reason for that, but nvm...). But at the end of it, she said she actually learnt a lot of things from me and i really was quite glad that i manage to earn her respect at the end of the camp.
Th experience in this camp may not be like those fun games that enable you to make more friends or have tons of fun, but it surely was an unique experience with its own sense of fun and fulfillment. If situation permits, i will not mind joining again. I had learnt a lot from this camp and i appreciate this opportunity.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Change
A sudden urge to write something.
Went to marina square yesterday to celebrate my sister's 19 birthday. ya.. nothing spectacular about that. I am more surprised by the disappeared "lego" shop. I got this hobby of collecting lego minifigurines and toying with them. I still can remember that i used to patronised that shop whenever i am at marina square without fail. Yeap... but yesterdays it's not there anymore. I told my dad about it, he says, "economy is bad, toys shop arent exactly doing very well." I brought it a bit further by saying that it's quite independent of this economic crisis, it is the problem with the kids now. With a PSP and XBOX who would wanna play with such stuff. Quite sad la... i still find such things very appealing, and i hope through advertisement or wad, "Lego" will try to reach out to the modern kids. yeap.. must let them know that game is not just limited to virtual reality.
Somehow... the urge stops.
Went to marina square yesterday to celebrate my sister's 19 birthday. ya.. nothing spectacular about that. I am more surprised by the disappeared "lego" shop. I got this hobby of collecting lego minifigurines and toying with them. I still can remember that i used to patronised that shop whenever i am at marina square without fail. Yeap... but yesterdays it's not there anymore. I told my dad about it, he says, "economy is bad, toys shop arent exactly doing very well." I brought it a bit further by saying that it's quite independent of this economic crisis, it is the problem with the kids now. With a PSP and XBOX who would wanna play with such stuff. Quite sad la... i still find such things very appealing, and i hope through advertisement or wad, "Lego" will try to reach out to the modern kids. yeap.. must let them know that game is not just limited to virtual reality.
Somehow... the urge stops.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Too much of a coincidence,
Great, 3 months since i last saw this blogging interface. 2 more months to university's life, 6 months since i ORD and a total of 8 months of freedom in my hand. I promised to make this 8 months a fulfilling and productive one, and thus far, i think everything is going quite well. Not exactly as planned, but is satisfying enough. Next up, is to enjoy and plan for my last 2 months. Then i will talk about some random thoughts below....
Looking back (not too back actually), i have taught in PJC for 4 months. Taking the role of a teacher does indeed expose me to a different vantage point, different environment and different experience. I learned a great deal of stuffs from this fresh experience and of course from my students also. For example, the technique of voice projection to allow u to consistently yell from 3 hours, and ways of dealing with different people and various impromptu shit (yes.. it's shitty). haha... But all in all, i think is fun and memorable and i've made lots of friends in the process. Sometimes, different events in life are connected in such a weird manner that the end result is something one could never have expected. Going to PJC to teach is never my intention, and as a matter of fact, i dislike that place, mainly because of the bad memories that i have during the 2 years there. But, amazingly.... with a bit of coincidence (All because of Nguan kiang), i am given a place to teach there, in a time of bad economy. Isnt it kind of ironic? A place that i disliked actually ended up "saving" me? And because of the fun and all-new experiences i have in teaching in PJC, i think my impression of PJC take a change. Well, maybe that is fate or maybe its just mere coincidence. But, i would prefer to believe in the former one. :)
I dont know since when i become more ambivalent, more cynical, more thinking. haha... there are comments by my colleague that i am ambivalent as in, i will say one thing, and after that say the opposing stuffs to what i say. hmm... let me rationalise that. Life itself is a conundrum, no doubt about it, there are always various facets to an issue, and perhaps, being exposed to the conundrum in life, i am more apt in see things from different angles and most of the time taking a stand is hard. So, i ended up saying contradictory statements. As for the cynical and thinking part, i think its just because i am more conscious of the world i am surviving in. Perhaps just like what karl marx thinks, "workers can only become more conscious through revolution". In essence, it is the straits and tribulations that makes one more aware and pull him out of the quixotic dream that he is in.
Oh yes.... that is one kind of person which i could not bring myself to talk to - People with a closed mind and overvalue his own opinion too much. Yeap, this kind of people will tend to be too sure of what he knows or what he says, so leaving no room for second opinion. When facing such people, i just tend to end conversation fast. haha.... because unfortunately or perhaps fortunately i like to engage in "discussion", and talking to such people will tend to have a frustrating result. In my workplace, i have seen fellow colleagues and students that belong to such category. Well... cant really do anything about it. perhaps some day they will meet their stumbling block and change ba....
This 5 months is really a period where i make a lot of new friends, through badminton and through my workplace. It really sets me thinking about human's relation. first question that comes to my mind is, "Why do we behave differently in front of different people? Are we being hypocritic? which personality then is the real one?" hmm....i have more or less gotten an answer for it. we behave in accordance to other's interest, common topics and familiarity. All the different self that we portrayed are equally real, because they are just different part of us (Atomistic theory). Yeap... then i draw a conclusion that no one can entirely understand a person, no matter how close they are, so different people understand different part of you, some bigger part and some smaller, but never entirely. Link to my life.... during the teaching period, i din portray the thinking and mature side of me, but i choose to show the fun, frivolous and childish side of me. well... i din really know why i choose to show this side, maybe this is what i want them to remember me for.
Ok.... i think this entry is pretty long, is time to end it ba....
Looking back (not too back actually), i have taught in PJC for 4 months. Taking the role of a teacher does indeed expose me to a different vantage point, different environment and different experience. I learned a great deal of stuffs from this fresh experience and of course from my students also. For example, the technique of voice projection to allow u to consistently yell from 3 hours, and ways of dealing with different people and various impromptu shit (yes.. it's shitty). haha... But all in all, i think is fun and memorable and i've made lots of friends in the process. Sometimes, different events in life are connected in such a weird manner that the end result is something one could never have expected. Going to PJC to teach is never my intention, and as a matter of fact, i dislike that place, mainly because of the bad memories that i have during the 2 years there. But, amazingly.... with a bit of coincidence (All because of Nguan kiang), i am given a place to teach there, in a time of bad economy. Isnt it kind of ironic? A place that i disliked actually ended up "saving" me? And because of the fun and all-new experiences i have in teaching in PJC, i think my impression of PJC take a change. Well, maybe that is fate or maybe its just mere coincidence. But, i would prefer to believe in the former one. :)
I dont know since when i become more ambivalent, more cynical, more thinking. haha... there are comments by my colleague that i am ambivalent as in, i will say one thing, and after that say the opposing stuffs to what i say. hmm... let me rationalise that. Life itself is a conundrum, no doubt about it, there are always various facets to an issue, and perhaps, being exposed to the conundrum in life, i am more apt in see things from different angles and most of the time taking a stand is hard. So, i ended up saying contradictory statements. As for the cynical and thinking part, i think its just because i am more conscious of the world i am surviving in. Perhaps just like what karl marx thinks, "workers can only become more conscious through revolution". In essence, it is the straits and tribulations that makes one more aware and pull him out of the quixotic dream that he is in.
Oh yes.... that is one kind of person which i could not bring myself to talk to - People with a closed mind and overvalue his own opinion too much. Yeap, this kind of people will tend to be too sure of what he knows or what he says, so leaving no room for second opinion. When facing such people, i just tend to end conversation fast. haha.... because unfortunately or perhaps fortunately i like to engage in "discussion", and talking to such people will tend to have a frustrating result. In my workplace, i have seen fellow colleagues and students that belong to such category. Well... cant really do anything about it. perhaps some day they will meet their stumbling block and change ba....
This 5 months is really a period where i make a lot of new friends, through badminton and through my workplace. It really sets me thinking about human's relation. first question that comes to my mind is, "Why do we behave differently in front of different people? Are we being hypocritic? which personality then is the real one?" hmm....i have more or less gotten an answer for it. we behave in accordance to other's interest, common topics and familiarity. All the different self that we portrayed are equally real, because they are just different part of us (Atomistic theory). Yeap... then i draw a conclusion that no one can entirely understand a person, no matter how close they are, so different people understand different part of you, some bigger part and some smaller, but never entirely. Link to my life.... during the teaching period, i din portray the thinking and mature side of me, but i choose to show the fun, frivolous and childish side of me. well... i din really know why i choose to show this side, maybe this is what i want them to remember me for.
Ok.... i think this entry is pretty long, is time to end it ba....
Friday, March 20, 2009
Teacher.
Rethink rethink and rethink....
Teacher- An ambition that i have held on to for at least 4 yrs. I found great pleasure in educating the younger one and imparting knowledge and experience to them. It is quite fulfilling and no doubt a very meaningful job. But, teaching in PJC for roughly 2 months, i realise i may need to rethink my career option. The teaching experience is great, get to manage the class and try out different methods to make them assimilate what i have taught them. But, it get kind of mundane for example, to go through the same single worksheet 9 times in a week and manage to memorise every single value and answers by the 6 lesson. Also, there are a lot of admin matters that teacher need to work on as well, such as compiling questions. OMG... seriously dread this. Need to go through every school papers and copy and paste plus aligning. To make things worst, the formatting varies from school to school and it sucks. If being a teacher means to teach and guide student alone, i will gladly accept it. But time changes, now even the teacher must be adept at multi-tasking. Argh.... thank goodness i nvr try applying for teaching scholarship and get myself bonded. LOL!!! This seriously cannot be my life...
Ok, more serious note, sometimes i wondered, which teachers actually left the deepest impression in me and what about them that is worth remembering and admiring. Throughout for academic studies, i never really met a teacher that is worth admiring ( It is veyr very hard for me to admire someone), but there is this teacher which i find impressive. He is my guitar teacher. He is in his early 50s i think. It is not the skills that impressed me, but the passion for teaching and most importantly, the passion for music. He has his own set of firm belief system for music and when he preach about his own philosophy, it just amazed me. I explain a bit here, in this world, it is hard to find someone that has a strong passion towards something and even if a particular person got a strong passion, it will tend to succumb to societal pressure, peer pressure or some other form of pressure that makes u the abnormalities. Hence, to be able to brave through all these pressure, one need to establish a firm belief system base on his passion. And true enough, my teacher got this characteristics. The world dont appreciate abnormalities and mavericks, but most of the time, these are the kind of people that will emerge as the successful one.
Teacher- An ambition that i have held on to for at least 4 yrs. I found great pleasure in educating the younger one and imparting knowledge and experience to them. It is quite fulfilling and no doubt a very meaningful job. But, teaching in PJC for roughly 2 months, i realise i may need to rethink my career option. The teaching experience is great, get to manage the class and try out different methods to make them assimilate what i have taught them. But, it get kind of mundane for example, to go through the same single worksheet 9 times in a week and manage to memorise every single value and answers by the 6 lesson. Also, there are a lot of admin matters that teacher need to work on as well, such as compiling questions. OMG... seriously dread this. Need to go through every school papers and copy and paste plus aligning. To make things worst, the formatting varies from school to school and it sucks. If being a teacher means to teach and guide student alone, i will gladly accept it. But time changes, now even the teacher must be adept at multi-tasking. Argh.... thank goodness i nvr try applying for teaching scholarship and get myself bonded. LOL!!! This seriously cannot be my life...
Ok, more serious note, sometimes i wondered, which teachers actually left the deepest impression in me and what about them that is worth remembering and admiring. Throughout for academic studies, i never really met a teacher that is worth admiring ( It is veyr very hard for me to admire someone), but there is this teacher which i find impressive. He is my guitar teacher. He is in his early 50s i think. It is not the skills that impressed me, but the passion for teaching and most importantly, the passion for music. He has his own set of firm belief system for music and when he preach about his own philosophy, it just amazed me. I explain a bit here, in this world, it is hard to find someone that has a strong passion towards something and even if a particular person got a strong passion, it will tend to succumb to societal pressure, peer pressure or some other form of pressure that makes u the abnormalities. Hence, to be able to brave through all these pressure, one need to establish a firm belief system base on his passion. And true enough, my teacher got this characteristics. The world dont appreciate abnormalities and mavericks, but most of the time, these are the kind of people that will emerge as the successful one.
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