cycle through.

A funny world indeed. When i was still young, i remembered i was asking question about some electicity stuff, and my dad replied, "nothing in physics last forever. light bulb will spoil, battery will get exhausted" and with my further study in physics, perhaps i can add on to this, "matter decay, and even the smallest particle can be changed to other form of energy as permitted by heisenberg uncertainty principle". So, what is truely permanent? I not sure about the physical law, but i m sure that at least for the world we live in, nothing is and that of cause include the people around us. This year seems to be a funny year, witnessed quite a number of deaths, one of which is my grandma, and one is a secondary schoolmate. To be honest, i don't really feel much about my schoolmate death, but just set me into thinking.

As i was reading through all the comments given by his friend, i was thinking, if his death mean so much to them, why shouldnt they treasure him or even maintain a constant communication with him while he was alive. "盖棺定人“, i guess this will be an apt description of this scenario. Only, when people pass away, then we started judging them, in term of their contribution or their past actions etc. Then, the next question will be, is their emotion or sympathy overrated? There is a quote that says," A death of one is a tragedy, and death of many a statistics". How true. When people in impoverished country are dying of hunger, or even being brutally abused by local authority what are we really doing? I guess if people could redirect their sympathy for one death to the death of many i guess it will be much better. There are many ways to reach out and make a difference to the people out there that is suffering( Either in out own country or outside), and if the sympathy of us can be transformed into a self-justified way of helping them, it will indeed make a difference.

...when we finally know we are dying, and all other sentient beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings.

Out of the mess

Just finished my econs tutorial and readings. After that, i sat in front of the comp, surf through some forums, facebook and some blogs. It is quite interesting that, all the blogs are not updated, even for though people that used to be a frequent updater. Then i looked at the past 1 month, i think i can understand why.

Everything comes in a flash (Not yet gone in a flash) like Uni admin stuffs, orientations, lectures, tutorials etc. To some extent, i really cant believe that i am in uni now as an undergraduate, perhaps things happen too fast, and i was not really prepared for it. Now, i am faced with lab reports, tutorials and all sorts of activities in front of me, and this whole thing just look like a convoluted mess in front of me (Oops, not in front of me, i am actually within this whole mess). Faced with all these hectic-ness and franticness, i guess the best way is to make an effort to adapt to it, and ya... that is what most of my fren are busy with, so they dun really have the time to blog.

Next up, i really enjoy what i am learning in my uni. Very proud to be a physics major in NUS. Well continue on this part next time. Too tired too continue....

How i present myself is how i wan people to remember me..... But this is so not true for me...  

When you approach the end of the road, what do you see?

Just fiddle abit with my guitar and did some morning static exercise. After everything, i just sat in front of my desktop and my mind suddenly thought of something.

I remember reading a book that wrote," Religion tends to paint a beautiful afterlife picture, so that people will not be too afraid of it. At the same time, if human can, because of this beautiful picture looks forward to afterlife then humanity has failed itself.". I can't remember the exact phrasing, but this is the main gist. The last part of this sentence struck me deeply - Humanity has failed itself. Perhaps, we human has through our own hand constructed a fearful world for ourselves. Maybe, we ourselves are the source of each pain and sorrow. Yes, all these are very probable.

Though the world is not exactly very pleasant to live in, i m definitely not one that looks forward to afterlife and this does not mean i am afraid of it. If the objective reality cant be changed, then perhaps we can change the subjective reality and this lies in us. In counseling theory, i remembered is called the ABC model.

And as for the answer to my title, I dont really care what i will see at the end of the road, all that matters is what i will see along the way.

Best read of the month.

" One day everything will be well, that is our hope. today everything is fine, that is our illusion."

"We never quite get over the sorrow caused by losing those loved; we only learn to live with it and to live despite it; which makes living a richer thing. That is sorrow's gift."

These are 2 quotes that are extracted from the book i am reading now. It has been months since i found a book that can impress me incredibly much. A book by A.C grayling " The meaning of things- Applying philosophy to life". This book is made up of many short essays that tackle with every aspects of life. For example, some of the chapters in it are "death","tolerance","virginity","peace" and so on... Each chapter consists of 2 to about at most 6 pages, which is pretty short for any book. But after i read it, i understand why each chapter is so short. The reason is there is no reason for it to be long. The author just did a fantastic job in covering the width and depth of a particular theme within the 6 pages. Any longer, it will be superfluous.

In fact to me, though this book just consist of many independent short chapters compiled together, i found it quite a "heavy" read. The whole book is laid with sentence like the quotes above. It induces a lot of thinking, a lot of cross referencing to my experience and the reality. Frankly speaking, to be able to cover every aspect of life to such great depth and all the way down to the tiniest details, i really wonder what kind of life he has been through. He is definitely one of my most admired writer. Going to get his other books soon. haha...

unconsidered life is not worth living- by socrates. <--- i think is very true. i am a great advocate of this ideal.

Clown.

I remember a story that goes something like this.....

One day, in a small little town, a man went to a psychiatrist in that same town over the problem that deep within him, he can't seems to be happy. This doctor then recommended him to a super famous entertainer(a clown) in town which was believed to be able to evoke laughter and happiness in the man, but it turned out that this unhappy man is actually the entertainer.

Interesting story. Somehow, i can actually empathize with this unhappy man. In his daily life, he had to put on that facade and performed to gain the smile and laughter in the audience. It was his job's obligation. For me, i too put on a facade and it is one akin to a clown. The only difference is, my facade stemmed from my insecurity.

Off to Hong Kong

Can't believe it, tomorrow and i will be off to Hong Kong. It is really not that much of what i will do there, but is what i will see there. The idea of going to a new environment and dwell in it for 2 weeks is both challenging and interesting. Let's hope i will learn more things when i am there and bring it back to singapore.

Argh... i hate the prelude to a holiday trip. It is tons of admin stuffs plus PACKING. Racked my brain over what i should bring and i ended up with a half-filled luggage. It is good isn't it? It means i can bring more stuffs back from hong kong, but the initial look of the half filled bag kind of irked me. Got this strong urge to fill it up. Ok... i shall not do some insanely stupid stuffs. Actually wanted to bring my DSLR camera over, but since i will be there for 2 weeks, i think is better not to bring. The long stay there will increase the risk of my camera and worst i dun have a risk premium so i am not going to take the risk.

Ok.. i think i will end here. Will get souvenirs for my frenx when i am over there. There goes my money... sob...

Volunteer

Went for voluntary camp with eeteng and ah neh at shu qun sec school. It lasted for 4 days including one day of training. We are dealing mostly with naughty students or even delinquents. The first day was definitely beyond what we expected or can even imagine. It is horrendous... The disobedience and the outrageous behavior.

First day was demoralising, but i still pushed on and tried to give my best in leading my group of students ( And unfortunately i got the worst group, with the most problem student). The hard part is, they are a bunch of defiant students, and if i was to employed the hard technque, it wun work. If we pushed them too hard They will even rail vulagarities at us. So the only way for them to work with me, is to establish rapport with them and earn their respect. The key to this whole problem then is to establish a fine balance.. yeap.. it is very very fine.

Quite proud that after second and third days, they started to listen to me, i told them varous stories that motivate them and help them mend their ways. End of the day, i received lots of notes from my student saying, "I am a good leader", "thank you, i appreciate that". Though the first day seriously sucks, i din give up and in the process i gain a lot of valuable experiences. The result was very rewarding. I may not change them, but i din leave a footprint in their memories.

haha.... one more thing. There is one student leader attach to us to help us in the camp. My student leader din really like me from the start, because i present myself to be a bit heck care kind (There are reason for that, but nvm...). But at the end of it, she said she actually learnt a lot of things from me and i really was quite glad that i manage to earn her respect at the end of the camp.

Th experience in this camp may not be like those fun games that enable you to make more friends or have tons of fun, but it surely was an unique experience with its own sense of fun and fulfillment. If situation permits, i will not mind joining again. I had learnt a lot from this camp and i appreciate this opportunity.