Introspection.

what do you do when you are bored? This is what i do....


Balanced-brained
That means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain, depending upon a given situation.
When you need to explain a complicated process to someone, or plan a detailed vacation, the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for your ability to solve problems logically, might kick in. But if you were critiquing an art opening or coming up with an original way to file papers, the right side of your brain, which is responsible for noticing subtle details in things, might take over.
While many people have clearly dominant left- or right-brained tendencies, you are able to draw on skills from both hemispheres of your brain. This rare combination makes you a very creative and flexible thinker.
The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways.
Comment: That explains why i am always having dilemma and headaches. LOL!

Hardcover

Stop the presses -- you're a Hardcover!

Your score shows how much you value your privacy. Your emotions aren't out there in broad circulation -- you prefer to keep them hidden on the shelf. Clearly, there are many "chapters" of your life kept off-limits, even from close friends. This strategy can keep you from getting hurt by others, but there's a downside, too. With less intimacy, you might feel that your personal relationships are not very satisfying. It can be difficult for some people to open up to others, but perhaps you should choose a couple of chapters that aren't too personal and try sharing them with a close friend. Dust off that old volume and open it up -- you may find that your friend responds in a very positive way.
Comment: Dont entirely agree with the test result. Sounds like a phony test.

Your Identity Upper Middle

Great news! There's a strong chance that you're really who you think you are. Most people have fallen victim to the hazards of modern times. But you're one of the lucky few who has managed to keep a strong sense of identity. No matter where you go, there you are. Keep it up, because being you is an incredibly valuable skill.

Of course you may have a few residual doubts. There may be times when you wonder if the real you hasn't wandered off somewhere - to join the circus, or an Internet startup. That's normal. But based on your responses, you don't exhibit too many of the warning signs. You've kept the high-risk identity-loss activities to a minimum. You seem to have a firm grip on your priorities, and you know where you're heading.

Some suggestions for remaining yourself: keep a journal where you can write your more intimate thoughts. If you ever start losing your identity, you'll have persuasive legal proof of the transformation. Another idea: label your underwear. During an identity crisis, it's usually the first thing to go.
Comment: Interesting.... I thought i am a lost kid. It turns out that i am not lost or at least the test proves that i am not lost. LOL!

Hysteria.

Listening to "personal" by stars. The lyrics is idiosyncratically illuminating and i must thanks my friend for introducing me this song. This world is pretty much a nice place to be in.

I am trying to remove those dull, gloomy and apocalyptic title, and so, i put something different. I wonder what does this word got to do with my content today. Anyway, i am moving to PLC camp for 1 month, and because of this, one of my camp mate, vincent is staying with me at my house. His house is at the far east, and traveling can be very tedious. Good thing now is, i got one ready friend to go out with when i am bored. lol!

Finally things is getting better for my tuition. I feel that i am teaching better and better, and i develop my own way to help my tutee attain a good grade. Let's hope that it works. I feel that teaching is one good way to cultivate one's temperance and sense of responsibilities. Really enjoy the experience a lot. It feels great when all the hard work you put in yields result.

Recently got this sudden thoughts about the idea of permanence and absolute. Today wun delve into all this deep thesis. I shall stop here. Really too tired.....

Oscillate. Vacillate. Sway.

History is a mistake from the start. Present is transient. Future is bleak and uncertain. - By existentialist flaneur Hong Qi.

Got my second assignment today. Teaching this J1 girl physics. Not very prepared for the whole lesson, because i prepared for Dynamics and she wanted me to go through oscillation. Well, i still remember most of the stuff, but cant teach well.I really feel quite bad over this, but to compensate i extend the whole lesson by 1 hour without charging more. Her grade is quite bad, and as a tutor i want to do my best to help. Good thing is, after that long session she understands interference and diffraction grating. As for my another maths tutee, i think she is doing good.

After accepting the second assignment, my whole saturday is filled. Worst, one is at khatib, the other at clementi. I got to rush from one place to the next and skip my lunch. The only reward i get is a fulfilling day, which i think far surpasses any other rewards like paycheck or what.

I was chatting with my frenx over some issue. I believe the world lack people with revolutionary and bold thoughts, ideas, behaviors etc. Over the course of my life, i am not a deviant, but am of cause not a conformist. I know this very well. I have my own sets of ethos, which is very different from other people. Because of this, i tends to rebut people's "thesis" with my "antithesis". Well, what i wanna say may not be what others want to hear. So, i slowly learn to keep mum - "Keep the comment to yourself". The fact that i am not reverting to my old form not only got to do with my "weak knee", but concerning other issue as well. From some angle, the world is quite complicated.

A rather happy man...... I guess.

What i do.

The necessary and sufficient condition for a relationship is love. Compatibility and physical beauty is irrelevant, and so is other trivialities. - By existentialist flaneur, Hong Qi.

I was thinking why my blog doesn't mention much about my daily life or in-camp life. I dun mention about camp life just in case i touch on some security issue and unknowingly get send into DB. So i dun wan to risk it. To me, my everyday life is quite fun, i will learn new things, but if i pen it down in blog, it will kind of dull my daily event. That is why i dun really say much about what i do. And yes, the most important reason is, i like to mystify my thoughts and myself. I dun wan to be too predictable. The world need more black swan- The element of unpredictability.

Anyway, i will try to talk about what i have been doing. What can a guy that has fallen out of love do in his daily routine. LOL! I can tell u.. is a lot. I start to fall in love with music. I dont to just hear it, i want the music to emerge from my both hands. Lucky i got a pianist sister that can guide me along. Then next i will be picking up guitar soon. Try something different. If people are thinking that i am still that science freak that is pouring over quantum physics and relativity now and then, then you are wrong. I still love physics a lot, but i started to diversify. I have not touched any science reference book for months. I want to dwell in the music realm for a bit longer before i go back to physics when i am in university.

The reason i gave for giving up piano at early age is because i not talented. I am lying.... is because i am lazy. I dun practise at all, come back just dump my book aside and play. In short 3 months, i achieve much more than the 3 years piano lesson when i was young. Talent cannot be the thrust for doing something, only passion can.

Renaissance.

Listening to "kiss the rain"- A melodic, pensive piece of piano song..... When can i play it for myself?

Went out with my JC classmate this afternoon. Never see them for almost 1 year. There were a lot to chat and it was quite fun... They were still the same - speech, posture and even the things you see in their eyes. For me, i know i am not the same. In my eyes, i can feel weariness and countless toll.

I used to link coincidences or even every incidents with fate. But now, i am no longer fatalistic, i must acknowledge that everything that happens happens from my hand. I am the cause, and i must accept the consequences and whatever that follows. I shan't says is god's will or is the working of fate. I must accept the responsibilities no matter how heavy it is....

With immense responsibilities, it is either you die trying or you simply got to grow stronger. The path is never meant to be easy, just like God love to test and set trials for mankind( FYI, I am agnostic). Some people yearn for freedom and no responsibilities. But, they do not know that to be free from responsibilities, you must first be laden with responsibilities. The same goes to freedom. It is just like people will learn to treasure only after they have lost something.

How much can we really rely on our eyes? The vision is great, it is colourful, animate and sometimes arousing. Despite all these great stuff our eyes bestow us, they tend to misguide us as well. What i can see is only the gorgeous look, curvy body, long enchanting eyelashes but i can't see her heartbeat. Perhaps, i am too accustomed to using my eyes that i have forgotten how to close my eyes.

I have been consistently walking with my eyes open with her. Now is time to take a break. Stop walking and close my eyes. Use my ear and listen...... What am i listening for? I do not know. Maybe is someone at one corner of this globe whose heart resonate with my heart, or maybe is just the wind, the light, the friends around me, my parents.... I really don't know. All i know is right now, i am listening to music - Kiss the rain....

I may have lost a very important person of my life, but i learn a lot of things. I know i become bolder and stronger.... If i can survive a direct knife thrusting into my heart, what more shall i fear. I love closing my eyes and listening now.... It reveals another facet of the world and people around me. Over this 5 months i have been sharing and talking, and at the same time, i had absorbed a lot of stuffs.... I had answers to many of my questions.

This entry will conclude this part of my life. I shan't not mention anything related to her anymore.

I am losing the glow in my eyes. Can i get it back? How can i get it back?
More white hairs on my head. Is it i am too tired?

新不了情

I love this song. Best song to augment the sadness feeling within you.

I am so tired...
Feel like a lost child in the sea of forest.
Hungry, lethargic and devoid of hope.
Vultures are circling on top of me.

16, maybe less

This is the name of the song that i listen last night. A nice, soothing music by iron and wine.

Book out yesterday night because of the surprise "off" that our CO gave us. Watched hellboy2 and linger around tampines area with my friend before returning home.

Just thought of an unpleasant encounter with techno music, and just to mention, i hate it! One fine afternoon, after awoken from my nice, warm afternoon nap, i was sent on errand to do some stuff. My head was heavy, and there is vague distinction between reality and dreamworld. The errand requires me to linger around the bunk area, then i heard this deafening, annoying music from one of the bunk. No doubt, it is techno music. I felt like my head was exploding, but i can't leave that damned area. Sometimes i just dont understand how people can indulge in this kind of music. Classic example of trashy music!

"In times of trouble, difficulty and depression, pictures tend to bring back old memories- the past fun-filled days where life was simple and easy. When can I let the history be history? When will I then learn to look on"

My friend was being emo here. But is a food for thought. A greek philosopher once said,"An unexamined life is not worth living." Some may say why are we making life tough for ourselves by spending time contemplating such unproductive question. But, it is precisely that life is tough and is fraught with so much uncertainty and shit, that these questions just plummet on us.

Finally, i forgot to mention about the dreadful 3 weeks confinement. It is definitely long, and is like a slow death or quicksand. But amid all the time dilation, i still enjoyed it. Finish reading my sophie's world and the alchemist in 3 weeks. Sophie's world is a fantastic read- philosophy in story. The alchemist is more towards spirituality. I find it quite boring, maybe because i am quite cynical....

Ok.. signing off. Bye!